Dale Carnegie
First published 1937. Vermillion 2006.
I hadn’t wanted to read this famous book. I was put off by the title – I assumed it would be tricks on how to manipulate people. I only read it when I heard people who I respected saying how beneficial they had found it.
The content was the opposite of what I’d expected. Dale Carnegie writes about the importance of acting with sincerity, paying attention to other people and their wants and needs, to engage in a way that works for them.
Given that the book was written nearly 90 years ago, many of the examples feel old fashioned, but people don’t change, and the underlying message is just as relevant today:
• Don’t criticise people, give them honest appreciation and help them to desire improvement;
“Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word ‘but’ and ending with a critical statement. For example, in trying to change a child’s careless attitude toward studies, we might say, ‘We’re really proud of you Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better.’
In this case, Johnnie might feel encouraged until he hears the word ‘but.’ He might then question the sincerity of the original praise. To him, the praise seemed only to be a contrived lead-in to a critical inference of failure. […]
This could easily be overcome by changing the word ‘but’ to ‘and.’ ‘We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.’” (Page 217).
• Become genuinely interested in other people, remember their name, encourage them to talk about themselves, be a good listener.
• Avoid arguments. Show respect for other people’s opinions. When you ‘win’ an argument, the other person loses, how does that build your relationship with them?
• Promptly admit when you make a mistake.
• If someone has a complaint, listen to them, see it from their point of view.
• Appeal to people’s nobler motives. Give them a fine reputation to live up to.
July 2025
Adrian Vincent