Patrick Regan with Liza Hoeksma
CWR, 2018
This book tells you everything you already know: the importance of sharing; when bad things happen to you it’s not your fault; it’s OK to not be OK; be kind to yourself; God is with you in the dark times. But sometimes it’s good to be reminded of these things.
Patrick is honest that when he had his own struggles, he initially resisted taking his own advice:
“The real challenge was actually asking for help. I felt that if I went to the doctors, I would somehow be letting everyone down. No one was telling me that, but it’s the conclusion I came to. I also felt uncomfortable with the focus being on me. I like talking about the bigger issues of injustice and inequality in the world and seeking out solutions, so all this talking about my personal feelings felt really self-indulgent.” (Page 62).
We should treat ourselves as we treat others:
“Are we quick to forgive ourselves for mistakes, or do we pick over them for hours, finding a catalogue of faults we can berate ourselves for? …we need to treat ourselves as we would treat a good friend – with encouragement, understanding, empathy, patience and gentleness.” (Page 107).
We should get to the root of the problem rather than mask it:
“Sometimes we’d rather numb our pain than look at it or try to deal with it. We’d rather forget by watching hours of Netflix; take the edge off with a shopping trip or a few glasses of wine. But pain that isn’t dealt with doesn’t disappear, and we can’t ignore it forever. Pain can rob us of the deep joy that God has for us.” (Pages 93-94).
We should give more attention to developing our relationship with God rather than only doing things for God:
“Sometimes we get so busy working for God what we miss out on intimacy with God. When we get our affirmation from what we do, we are trying to earn God’s love.” (Page 151).
“It’s so easy to put our work for God first and not realise when we are neglecting our families in the process. We may be physically there with them, but we are often emotionally and mentally unavailable due to the other demands we face.” (Page 189).
Be patient and open:
“times of waiting have often been when God has chosen to deal with issues in my heart, teaching me things I never would have learned if I’d got what I wanted straightaway… How many times do we come to pray with our hands full of our own agendas and timetables – too full to receive what He has to give us? How many times do we plan how we think things need to work out and then ask God to get on board with our timings, rather than trusting His ways? Waiting reminds us we are not in control, and we can’t command things to happen on a schedule that suits us.” (Pages 52-53).
We can’t expect life to be trouble free this side of heaven:
“We will always have loss and sadness to some degree in this life, but one day God will wipe away every tear, heal every sickness and rid us of every pain as He restores his world (Rev. 21).” Page 200.
Everything said in Patrick Regan’s book I’ve probably heard in sermons over the last 40 years, or read in other books. But there is value in a book which pulls together the tried and tested insights.
Adrian Vincent
January 2024