Creating healthy Christian cultures
Dr Lisa Oakley & Justin Humphreys
SPCK, 2019
The authors summarise their book:
“understanding of spiritual abuse; what it looks like, how to respond well to it and how to develop healthy leadership styles and build healthy cultures that help to avoid it.” Page. 154.
In most areas they succeed. I found that they were weakest in the “how to respond well to it”, in that I was not very clear what concrete actions – apart from listening well – I should take if spiritual abuse is reported to me.
Early in the book is a helpful first-hand account of spiritual abuse:
“Steve’s story
I first joined the church about five years ago. It was one of the friendliest churches I have ever attended…
Eventually I began to lead the youth work. The minister told me how gifted I was with the youth and how the church had been praying for someone like me…
I just felt part of the church and that I really belonged. I was aware that decisions were not really discussed and that periodically people left and, when they did, they were talked about negatively. However, at the time I believed what was said about the people and thought the leaving was their own fault and so I continued to be happy…
One evening one of the young people came to me and asked me for some advice on an issue that was concerning him. I listened to him and gave him some suggestions for things that he could do. The next day the minister and I were chatting and I mentioned the young person and our conversation. The minister became very angry and said I was supposed to run everything by him and that I was not allowed to give advice. He reminded me again of the need to submit to leaders and said that he felt for some time that God was saying I should take some time out from youth work as I needed a rest. I said I didn’t want to but by the time I got home he had rung and left a message telling me who my replacement was…
I struggled when the young people asked why I had left them. They were told it was my decision…
I began to see that much of the church was controlled. I realized that the minister made all the decisions. I knew that I could not stay any longer. I had to go. I called the minister and explained that I was leaving. He was very angry and said I was betraying him and the church. … Soon after he came to see me and said that God had plans for me and I should stay and work through MY problems…
When I left he told people in church that I was not a responsible person and that I had hurt him deeply. I lost some people that I would have called friends. They did not contact me when I had left. … I hear that people continue to leave but nothing seems to change and the minister is still there…
This whole experience is so difficult, it is very abusive and God is used to explain controlling and manipulative behaviour.” Pages 10-14.
The authors give this definition:
“Spiritual abuse is a form of emotional and psychological abuse. It is characterised by a systematic pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour in a religious context. Spiritual abuse can have a deeply damaging impact on those who experience it.
This abuse may include: manipulation and exploitation, enforced accountability, censorship of decision making, requirements for secrecy and silence, coercion to confirm, controlled through the use of sacred texts or teaching, requirement of obedience to the abuser, the suggestion that the abuser has a ‘divine’ position, isolation as a means of punishment, and superiority and elitism.” Page 31.
It can be perpetrated by a church leaders or church members. If it is perpetrated by a church member there is still a misuse of power involved.
People often ask why someone stays so long in a spiritually abusive situation – why did they not report it to the authorities or leave earlier? The authors explain:
“In terms of spiritual abuse, people who have lived through a very positive ‘honeymoon’ period can feel unable to challenge damaging behaviour. They can feel that they have gained a lot from the relationship or being part of the organization and therefore it seems wrong to then begin to say you are unhappy or are feeling harmed.” Page 33.
“A further issue that makes challenge or speaking out difficult is the idea that this particular church or organisation is somehow superior and elite. It is better than others. It has the real truth.” Page 50.
The misuse of Scripture to control others is often a feature. The authors quote this person’s experience:
“Every time he wanted me to do something, he would quote scripture. Sometimes it would be about sacrifice if he wanted me to give more time to the Church. Sometimes it was about obedience if I was asking a question about something I was uncomfortable with. It was really difficult to argue, I couldn’t argue with scripture, it was like I was arguing with God. I felt under more and more pressure.” Page 54.
The person who quotes scripture in order to manipulate others will quote it selectively. The authors explain that the Bible:
“calls us to be obedient to God and to our leaders … (Hebrews 13.17) … However, the Bible is also clear that leaders should treat those they lead well and not abuse the power they have (Matthew 23).” Page 55.
When someone who has suffered spiritual abuse makes a disclosure we should not immediately jump to a ‘spiritual’ response:
“Often those listening to someone telling their story will respond with offers of prayer or reading Scripture as a first response. While these things can be helpful to some, they can be very unhelpful to others. If prayer and Scripture have been used as part of the experience of coercion and control in a religious context, presenting them as a solution or response could feel very unsafe and unhelpful… Therefore a comment such as ‘If it would be helpful for you for me to pray or to read Scripture the offer is there, but I will leave it up to you to decide and come back to me’ can be helpful.” Pages 96-97.
They also advise:
“Similarly, people shouldn’t feel pressured into some form of reconciliation with the person who has controlled and coerced them… If there is to be any reconciliation or discussion in the future, this should be at the request of the abused individual and in a manner that he or she feels helpful and safe.” Pages 99-100.
This rang bells with me regarding two recent instances of alleged bullying by bishops (which whilst not precisely spiritual abuse, have some things in common), where the official response has been to promote reconciliation, without first properly addressing the offending behaviour.
In the Church in Wales, a bishop was accused by the dean and other clerics of bullying. When the dean, who was ill, withdrew his complaint, the Archbishop of Wales said that the matter was resolved and was now an opportunity for healing:
“The Revd Vicki Burrows … said that she spoke for many clergy in describing a “culture of fear” in the diocese …
The finding of a disciplinary committee of the Church in Wales — that Bishop Osborne had a “case to answer” in regard to the charges of bullying and harassment brought against her by the Dean of Llandaff, the Very Revd Gerwyn Capon…” The Church Times 7 January 2022.
“The Dean of Llandaff, the Very Revd Gerwyn Capon, has withdrawn his complaint of bullying against the Bishop of Llandaff, the Rt Revd June Osborne … His action, announced on Tuesday, means that the case, which would have brought Bishop Osborne in front of a Church in Wales disciplinary tribunal, has been dismissed. The Dean has been on sick leave with work-related depression for two years … Archbishop John said: “I welcome the clarity of the President of the Disciplinary Tribunal’s order, and that this matter has now reached a conclusion. My hope is that there is now a fresh opportunity to rebuild trust and to seek healing.” The Church Times 26 April 2022.
In the Scottish Episcopal Church, a bishop was accused of bullying. An independent report concluded that the bishop should be disciplined. However, her fellow bishops rejected that finding and instead instituted a process of reconciliation:
“Professor Torrance concluded that Bishop Dyer had treated Mr Cromar in an “intemperate and unrelenting” manner, after she attempted a “hasty” merger of St Andrew’s and St Mary’s and then attempted to bar him from attending a service… Despite Professor Torrance’s recommendation that Bishop Dyer step down with immediate effect, the College of Bishops has established a mediation process for the diocese of Aberdeen & Orkney… On Wednesday, a spokesperson for the College of Bishops said that… The bishops believe that the situation is best dealt with through mediation as a means of seeking healing and reconciliation.” The Church Times 4 February 2022.
The authors write that some ministers who abuse their position, do not realise that they are doing it:
“In many cases … we find that, far from being wilful, those who have fallen into spiritually abusive patterns of behaviour did so without realizing. It was a slippery slope that they didn’t necessarily realize they were on – not at least perhaps until it was too late. At which point, self-protectionism and denial kick in as a means of resisting change.” Page 114.
“ministers are often naive about the impact of their behaviour on others and do not set out to adopt an abusive style. For some individuals, challenging their behaviour and supporting change may bring about new and healthy ways of behaving. For others, there may be a refusal to accept such a challenge or to acknowledge the damage and harm they have caused. The priority must be in keeping people safe. Therefore, in any circumstance where spiritual abuse has been alleged and there is evidence to support this allegation the continuation of monitoring and supervision is essential. …we need to ensure that appropriate procedures, monitoring and supervision are embedded and applied to all.” Page 105.
A weakness of the book is that the authors do not specify what “appropriate procedures” means, or how to set up supervision of a church leader when the leader is the one with the authority.
They do highlight features of a good church culture that should be encouraged, so as to reduce the prospect of spiritual abuse occurring. Including that leaders should take time to be self-reflective, to ensure that their motives are on serving others rather than being served, to realise that they do not have all the answers, and the importance of teamwork.
“healthy spiritual contexts encourage people to develop as individuals who can think for themselves and are able to express disagreement or concern…
A feature of training should be healthy team working…
decisions are made in a manner that welcomes and acts on the input of others…
reflections on your routines and practices [are] welcomed from people who are new to your church” Pages 134, 135, 142, 151.
In summary, this is a valuable book which helps us to recognise where spiritual abuse is occurring, and what steps to do to avoid it occurring in the first place. But lacks detail about what should be done when it is discovered.
August 2022
Adrian Vincent