by Vaughan Roberts
The Good Book Company, 2018.
This is an excellent book. It is 92 small pages and includes quotes from other bigger books on the same subject. So, whilst it claims no originality there is nothing wrong in choosing the best nuggets from other works.
In an addition to alcohol or an eating disorder the problem is not alcohol itself or food itself. So with pornography, sex itself isn’t bad, it is the misuse/disorder of sex in pornography that is wrong. And, just a alcoholism or an eating disorder is misusing something to fill a hole in someone’s life, so is pornography. Vaughan Roberts is a Church of England vicar, and takes an unashamedly Christian perspective on the subject. The hole that is wrongly being filled with these ‘drugs’ can be addressed by filling the hole with a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ. Roberts gives a message of hope for those struggling with this problem.
Roberts writes that wallowing in guilt doesn’t help:
“The devil tries to drag us down: What are you doing in church? How dare you presume to approach God in prayer after what you looked at last week! You should slink away in shame. You’re a filthy sinner!
The more we listen to those accusing words, the more likely we are to shy away from God and keep returning to our sin, but God has a very different message for us.
Of course, God knows that we continue to sin but, from the moment we turned to Christ, our sins no longer defined us.
[…] It is true that the old nature lives on and keeps dragging us down, which is why we sin. […] If you feel terrible when you do something wrong, like looking at porn, it’s a good sign. That’s the Holy Spirit at work […] he doesn’t only convict us of our sin; he also helps us root it out.
[…] It’s true that we’ll never be perfect in this present world, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can and should expect transformation so that we increasingly grow in holiness.”
(pages 55-57).
“if we want to fight against porn, or any other wrong behaviour, we shouldn’t just focus on the sin and try to beat it out of our lives. That won’t achieve much. We should, rather, focus not on our sin, but on what the Bible tells us about our Saviour.” (page 62).
He quotes from Julian Hardyman’s “Idols” book:
“One man who had kept going back to porn described the truth that had made a decisive difference:
However much I tried it, the will power of “just don’t look at it” never worked. I could go for a few days, and then the hole left just had to be filled. But then God made me realise that my choice was not simply between sinning or not. It was between desiring Jesus, who would satisfy, or desiring something else which wouldn’t. The struggle didn’t become easy then, but it did become winnable, because I realised I had to choose, not to walk away from something, but towards someone.” (pages 63-64).
Roberts writes:
“You will feel guilty after you’ve fallen back into sin and yes, what you did was wrong and you shouldn’t have done it. But however you feel. that doesn’t change the glorious fact that you are completely secure in God’s love. His acceptance of you doesn’t depend on anything that you do or don’t do, but on what Christ has already done for you.” (page 66).
Roberts, having said that the answer is not self-resolution, it is deepening your relationship with Christ. This, however, should be supplemented by taking steps to not put yourself in the way of temptation:
“We have seen that we will never win the fight against porn, or any other sin, if we seek to rely on resolutions and rules alone. The battle is won or lost in the heart.
But self-discipline still has a part to play […] we will need to do all we can to protect ourselves where we are most vulnerable.
[…] Have you got the filters and accountability partners you need? […] Do you actually need internet on your phone? It’s a great relief to me not to have it, not just because it removes temptations, but also because it frees up so much time.
Are there particular times when temptation is most likely to strike? If so, what else could you be doing then? […] And if certain moods make us more vulnerable, how can we counter them? […] Sometimes just the very fact of having shared what we’re feeling can reduce its intensity.
[…] Above all of course, we should look to Christ and seek comfort from him.” (pages 68-70).
Roberts is realistic that it isn’t like flicking a switch and we suddenly become perfect:
“Perhaps reading this book has given you a renewed resolve to pursue holiness and greater hope that you can stop using porn. If so, that’s great, but I need to warn you. It won’t be easy and it’s sadly likely that you will fall again. If you do, that’s a key moment. The devil is bound to tell you, It’s no use – nothing has changed. You might as well give up – it’s hopeless. If you believe that lie, you’ll soon be dragged back into the old pattern.
But there’s another way. Quickly confess sin and then move on. Don’t wallow in the guilt or beat yourself up; that won’t help. Turn to God’s promise of forgiveness in Christ and step forward in faith with a joyful spring in your step. That’s not taking your sin lightly; it’s taking God’s word seriously.” (page 71).
November 2020
Adrian Vincent