by Wayne A. Mack
first published 2004, reissued 2017, P & R Publishing.
Dr Mack is a professor of biblical counselling and addresses the issue of anger and stress management from taking examples from the Bible of how people responded to stress, and how a Christian should deal with it.
I have mixed feelings about this book. There are some very good insights that ring true, and at 139 pages it is not a long book, but somehow it felt too long, when you need some tips and techniques to help you, you aren’t going to remember 139 pages. A summary list at the end of the book would have helped. Though I suppose that if it was reduced to a few bullet points it would give the false impression that there is a quick fix, rather than a process that requires time and attention.
Dr Mack encourages you to think of the things that trigger your anger, and that it is usually because you feel that one of your ‘rights’ has been ignored. For example, a parent may become angry when their child disobeys them:
“…parents sometimes become angry. After all, they think, “Children are supposed to obey and show respect to their parents. And the fact that they didn’t do something exactly as I wanted them to shows disrespect.” Never mind that the Bible says, “Love suffers long and is kind; love … is not provoked” (I Cor. 13.4-5)” (p.15).
Mack says we should “Cease to think in terms of your “rights,” and concentrate on God’s will and purposes and promises.” (p.18), and that we should not “keep a running record of how we have been mistreated.” (p.27).
We should also be aware when we react against something which is actually a substitute for something else:
“a man who, when he has a problem at work with his boss, comes home and takes it out on his family. He yells at his wife, or is nasty to with his children, or kicks the dog. If he were not already upset with his boss, the things that his wife or children do or don’t do would not upset him as much, or perhaps at all. He really attacks them as a substitute for his boss.” (p.38).
He recommends:
“I need to first acknowledge and deal with what is unbiblical in my own life. And, with God’s help, I can bear what is coming my way and can find a way of escape. By God’s grace I can learn to return good for evil and can refrain from reviling when I’m reviled, from insulting when I’m insulted. I can learn to bless when I’m cursed” (see Rom. 12:21; 1 Peter 3:8-13).” (p.33).
He recommends that we should remember that God is sovereign, and that even when bad things happen to us, God is still in charge and has a plan for our life. Mack gives the example of Joseph, sold into slavery and falsely imprisoned, yet Joseph does not react with anger:
“Joseph knew that God was sovereign and in charge, of all things in general and of his life in particular. He knew, long before Paul ever penned the words, that “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). He saw everything within the framework of God’s sovereignty, and that conviction was a key factor in his overcoming stress rather than being overcome by it.” (p108).
As well as accepting that God is in charge, the next tip is to give thanks to God:
“To win this battle over the stressors of life, we must also deliberately choose to give God thanks in the midst of everything and for everything.” (p.111).
“What did the psalmist know that would give him plenty of reason for praising God even in the midst of many stressors? […] He knew that the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and that He saves those who are crushed in spirit. He knew that God would eventually deliver him from his afflictions. He knew that God would take care of his soul, and knew that God would never condemn him (see Ps. 34:4-22).” (p.112).
Mack gives another example. King Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20, faced with a stressful situation of an invading army, turns to God in prayer and praise:
“He had to make himself turn away from an exclusive focus on the problem, away from a preoccupation with the stressful situation, to a focus on his God.” (p.113).
Mack refers to James 1:2-5, which Mack says:
“requires us to understand that the trials we face are God’s way of uncovering the existence and nature of our deficiencies, so that those deficiencies may be corrected.” (p.125).
Near the end of the book, Mack encourages us to consider how to avoid a stressful situation in the first place. Perhaps that would have been better at the start of the book, but nevertheless it is food for thought:
“Over the years, I have met and counseled many people who were coming apart at the seams because they were unnecessarily putting themselves in a “stressor situation.” Some were doing this by trying to do too many things. Some were doing it by failing to schedule and plan. Some were doing it by going places they should not have gone, and some by associating with the wrong kind or people. Some were doing it by treating every need they encountered as though God had commanded them to fulfill it personally. Some were doing it out of fear that if they didn’t do something it wouldn’t get done, or certainly it wouldn’t be done well. Some were doing it because they wanted people to think well of them or because they were afraid to say no. Some were doing it because being busy and overloaded made them feel important.
[…] If you feel pressured by the thought that you have too much to do, it would be helpful for you to practice some self-examination to discover the main reason for your stress. Ask yourself, “Am I stressed out for any of the reasons just mentioned, or for any other reasons that weren’t even mentioned?” Then you should seek to discover God’s perspective on why you put yourself in any unnecessarily stressful situation and should follow that by making the changes that God would have you make.
One thing is certain: God will never call on use to do more than we, by His grace, are able to do (see 2 Cor. 3:5-6; 9:8; Phil. 4:13; Col. 1:29).
[…] God expects us to do what we can – no more and no less.
[…] after you have done all that you may legitimately do, you leave the results with God and believe that He will bring to pass what is right and good for you.” (p.133-5).
Adrian Vincent,
November 2020.